Time to Start

Today is a new day. I weighed in this morning at 193.4. I am ready to do this! Due to DH wanting to complete a triathlon, we went to a couple of gyms this weekend. Gold's Gym focused on my weight and quite frankly assumed I knew nothing about weight loss or nutrition. They tried to shock me with my numbers and to get me to sign up for 6 weeks of personal training for $630. Now, I know my numbers. I know they are unhealthy, but there was no shock for me. I know what I need to do, I just need to do it. This motivated me, not they way that they thought it would. It motivated me as I am tired of people looking at me and knowing how to categorize me. It pisses me off. So I am going to change that. The one good thing that I did like is that they focused on the body fat % rather than BMI healthy weight range (though they did show the BMI).
This isn't only about my weight. I am working on my house, I need to get it organized in a very serious way. I need to study for certification. And I need to work on my health. So here is the plan:

• I restarted WW today - meaning I am going to really work on actually following program. I upped my points to what they say I need to maintain my current weight. I will then focus on trying to eat that amount. If I am successful, I will reduce next week by 1 point per day. I will do this until I get back to what is recommended. 
• I have a 5k this weekend so I am not starting my Jillian Michael's Body Revolution until after the 5k. While doing the BR I am also going to be doing my walk/jogging 3 times a week.
• I have a list of what I need to do for the house. My focus is my DD's 8th b-day party - she wants a sleep over.
• I am going to make time for my studying as a priority.
• I am looking at other classes at the gym to give some variety and social interaction with workouts.
• I am focusing on losing 53.4 pounds rather than the 73.4 that I thought I needed to lose - this feels like I am already closer to my goal :-)

OK that is it for now. I am feeling very good :-)

invisible monsters

Be pitiful, for every man is fighting a hard battle.  ~John Watson, 1897

I am someone who is fighting a hard battle so this quote appeals to me. I suffer from a couple of "invisible" diseases. These are diseases where you don't look sick, people don't allow you any slack for your illness and, quite honestly, talking about them makes you look bad as it comes across as lazy, making excuses, unreal. Those without experience in such things have even less understanding. This can be hard. 

Let's start with the easy one - thyroid. I suffer from Hashimoto's thyroiditis. This means that without medication my thyroid normally functions too slowly. This affects my hair, weight, memory, skin, muscles, mood and the list goes on. It is quite amazing what this little butterfly gland can do. I take medication for this daily. However, not all symptoms are simply better, but they are mostly better. 

Next up Sjogren's syndrome. Sjogren's syndrome is a chronic autoimmune disease in which a person's white blood cells attach their mositure-producing glands. I am lucky and my version is not very bad and I am not on medication for this. Mostly, I have to use eye drops and lotions. But on bad days and when my eyes are dry I have more headaches and I have more issues focusing.

My harder battle is with depression. I hate this one. People think it is only for "sad" people and someone like me isn't fighting it. Well, that isn't the case. That is all that I am writing about this one as I am sure there will be more written about depression in general.

Vitamin D deficiency. This one sounds easy but came as a diagnosis when I was being tested for celiac and food allergies due to my daughter going through the routine. I went in for antidepressants (see above) and my blood results happened to be in. The treatment is a high dose of vitamin d once a week for 8 weeks and then a retake of the blood. If the numbers improved we know that that was the issue, otherwise there may be something else. My doctor explained it as the quality of life vitamin. When I came home and started looking into vit D deficiency I realized all that explains. My symptoms are depression (kinda funny), muscle aches (they have been bad), headaches, hair loss, exhaustion (constant for me), and weight gain. This is another that I will be writing about as I feel it is a big part of where I am stuck right now. I walked out without an antidepressant but with vitamin D. 

prenotes and things to be said in the beginnings

Tomorrow is my birthday. And with most birthdays, I am in deep thought on what it means, where I am in life, and what I can do to improve my place in this world. This year I am fighting a bigger battle and today it hit me that what I really want is to focus this year on me. I will be 36 tomorrow and am dedicating my 37th year to finding me.
I want to start this by putting a few thing "out there". I have a wonderful family with two beautiful kids and adoring husband. I have a good job that is flexible for the kids and a house to protect us.
Anything I write about is about me and not affiliated with anyone/anything and I am not a doctor/trainer/any one of purpose.
I also am not going to commit to any specific posting schedule as I do not need any more pressure, but I do know that writing to an "audience" is good for me.